And Then There's This... Scorched Mirth & Acid Reflex
Benjamin Franklin had his proverb-laden “Poor Richard's Almanack.” Yours truly has his wise-cracking “E. Morris' Bon Mot Factory.” Here's a sampling:
We learn so much from children. Yet we keep having them.
Sometimes it takes a fire in the belly to melt the lead in your ass.
My hubris can beat your hubris.
I was happy to give him the last word since he had so few at his disposal.
She's brainstorming without a cloud on the horizon.
Modesty is an affectation for which I have no use.
I drink in the morning to protest the cruel limitation of Happy Hour.
A new tattoo says you believe your judgment will never get any better than it is right now.
I think everything happens for a reason — and that reason is to screw me over.
There's nothing quite as humiliating as being introduced to a pet.
Her cooking is a form of domestic violence.
Alcohol is just a crutch until you drink enough to sprout wings.
He has great potential. As an organ donor.
She has Whole Foods written all over her.
I believe he was home-schooled for his Ph. D.
If her husband walked on water, she'd scold him for not wiping his feet.
My ambitions have always been modest. As a kid I played air tambourine.
My doctor says I'm vibe deficient.
Why not blame the victim, they're already screwed?
When the mime died, we mourned his passing with a moment of noise.
She was lost in thought, it being new territory for her.
I was only a lad when Obscurity tapped me on the shoulder and said, “Need a manager?”
She's the kind who names her daughters after tropical drinks.
My dentist held my X-rays up to the light and immediately spotted a new bass boat.
You say you're looking for self-esteem? Maybe you're aiming too high.
I understand her sorority house was made of logs.
Courage is that momentary impulse that flares up before cowardice kicks in to save you.
She could turn an orgasm into an occasion for mourning.
Well, it looks like somebody got up on the wrong side of the cross this morning.
(Please send your comments or questions to stormcoast@mindspring.com with “And Then There's This” in the subject line. And thank you for reading.)
